I WILL RETURN!!

Come back in early 2010.

Please?

Thanks,
Mitch E

mitchemerson@hotmail.com

Movie/DVD Review: Pieces by ME

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There are a few different types of bad horror films and the 80's was the perfect decade to make all of them and have them be successful, for the most part. There were flicks that were so bad they're good, some that are just plain bad and a few other categories in between. Pieces, a slasher flick trying to capitalize on the success of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the Friday the 13th franchise, falls a little closer to the just plain bad end of the spectrum. But, a few decent effects and some horribly bad dialogue as well as a kung fu attack that literally comes out of nowhere and leaves just as quickly raises Pieces to a mark just above plain bad.

A little boy kills his mother with an axe after she finds him putting together a jigsaw puzzle of a nude woman. Cut to 40 years later, someone is killing beautiful college coeds and taking their body parts to create the perfect woman. It's up to two detectives, and few unlikely allies, to stop the maniac that's on the loose.

After that promising opening, the film quickly goes down hill. The plot gets ludicrous when the police recruit one of the college students to help. Then, if that wasn't insane enough, they bring in a famous tennis star to help as well. Again, the effects are what raise the bar a tad with decapitation in broad daylight, and a halving complete with pants wetting, which is a nice realistic touch to me. I mean, if someone's coming at me with a chainsaw, you can bet your ass that I'm gonna piss my pants.

On to the acting. Even with the bad dialogue, most of the actors deliver it with a straight face, which is surprising given some of the situations they are in. Oh wait, nevermind, that's just bad dubbing. By far the best character is the groundskeeper Willard, played by Paul Smith. Many readers may remember him as Bluto from the live action Popeye movie, or possibly as Rabban in Dune. Anyways, he is absolutely hilarious every time he comes on screen. He seems to be the only one who gets how ridiculous this movie truly is.

How ridiculous you ask? The best example is when our undercover tennis star runs into some guy who busts out with all kinds of kung fu, then when she knocks him down, says he doesn't remember what happened, just that he was jogging and the next thing he knows he's on the ground. "Must be bad Chop Suey." And that is a direct quote. Followed closely by a scene in which our villain hides a chainsaw behind his back while in an elevator with his victim, and she doesn't notice!

Pieces tried very hard to capitalize on the success of such genre classics as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13^th, yet would have worked better as a parody instead of a serious film. But if you love 80's horror, it may be worth your while. For all others, grab a few friends and a lot of beer and sit back and take potshots at this horrible yet funny film.

One final note. For those in the Detroit area, be sure to keep a lookout for future screenings by 42nd St Drive-In at the Novi Emagine theater. Kind of sporadic in their scheduling but these guys love there horror and have provided a semi-regular opportunity to showcase some of the best (and worst) horror movies from the 70's and 80's. Many thanks to Jason Buchanan, Bob Felts and Brad Torreano for helping to broaden Detroit's horror fanbase.

4/10

Keep reading,
Mitch Emerson
mitchemerson@hotmail.com

DVD Review: The Nines by Mitch Emerson

I love movies that mess with your mind; that keep you guessing what is real and what is not. I am also a big fan of movies that have twists in them that change everything you thought you understood up until that one moment, that one situation or piece of information that usually comes out of nowhere and either brings realization to you and the characters, or turns their world and your perspective upside down. When they are done well, such as Donnie Darko, Memento, A Beautiful Mind and even the first Matrix film, we love them. When they are done badly – Nic Cage's Next is the first that comes to mind - they are such a let down. Bad “mindfuck” films, as I call them, leave you feeling cheated in the end. The Nines doesn't. It leaves you with questions for sure, but can also start some interesting conversation as it did with my wife and I.

The Nines is one of those that plays things a little different. You don't know what is happening pretty much from the get-go. Ryan Reynolds, Hope Davis and Melissa McCarthy play multiple roles in a film containing three separate, yet connected stories. The first, The Prisoner, is about an actor who is placed under house arrest. The second, Reality Television, follows a creator/showrunner of a television show in the style of it's own reality TV show, and the last, Knowing, is the story of a man trying to get help for him and his family whose car has broken down.

John August brings all of these actors together with a story that goes from cute to creepy, to confusing back to cute again almost effortlessly. There are only a few times that would be considered WTF!? and those moments still keep you interested instead of pulling you out of the movie. There is also an underlying (well not so underlying - it kind of smacks you in the head at one point) spiritual message that can be interpreted many different ways and yet not be preachy. Hell, I'm not even sure if it was meant to be spiritual or sarcastic or just thought provoking.

This is a film that will take multiple viewings to make complete sense of, but is enjoyable enough that I won't mind watching a few times.

9/10

Keep reading,
Mitch Emerson
mitchemerson@hotmail.com

What I watched This Week- 08/15-08/22 by ME

136. 08/14/08 – Oldboy – 9/10 – Great foreign movie about revenge. Confusing at times but a super dark ending, but a great story.

137. 08/16/08 - Juno - 10/10 - My mother wanted to watch it, she had never seen it. See full review.

138 - 08/17/08 - Bird on a Wire - 6/10 - Mom bought it at a garage sale. i twas this or Pretty Woman. Easily forgettable.

139. 08/20/08 - Secretary - 7/10 - Another that is a second viewing. It takes a leap of faith when their relationship crosses the line of appropriateness. Otherwise a decent if unorthodox love story.

Movie Review: Star Wars: Clone Wars by ME

Clone Wars follows Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi's exploits during the period between Episode II and Episode III. The lead off for an animated TV series which will air on the Sci-Fi Channel as well as TNT this fall, Clone Wars holds up in the well established Star Wars universe, with a few grievances. It's not a bad film, there are just a few things that really hurt this ambitious project.

The story goes like this – Darth Sidious and Count Dooku have kidnapped Jabba the Hutt's son in order to fake a rescue so they can get Jabba on the side of the Separatists. Obi-Wan and Anakin, along with Anakin's precocious new padawan, Ahsoka Tano, must actually rescue Jabba's son for the same reason, as well as to expose Dooku and his apprentice Asajj Ventress for what they truly are.

I know it isn't a very strong plot but this is the lead off for a TV show that is aimed at children as well as hardcore fans. And that is where the problem lies. Amidst rather brutal scenes of clone trooper deaths and massive destruction, scenes of over humanized and way, way over the top humorous battle droids have been added for comic relief. If the pendulum didn't swing so fast and far between brutal and humorous, it might have worked. Well, at least Jar Jar Binks doesn't show up. Another point of contention is the lack of John Williams famous score. It's there, but “re-imagined” or “updated” some may say, but it didn't work for me, at least for the beginning and end credits, that is. When I go to a Star Wars film I want that first, familiar, blaring note to blast out at me and make it feel like I am returning to something familiar and well loved.

Most of the voice acting is spot on, however, the voice used for Chancellor Palpatine stands out like a sore thumb among voices who at least try to match their real life counterparts. Which is really too bad as the voice actor who plays him – Ian Abercrombie, does a decent Darth Sidious, but as Palpatine is sorely lacking. Anakin's voice, provided by Matt Lanter is even better for Anakin than Hayden Christensen, less whiny and a tad more serious while still retaining some of the impertinence from Christensen's performance. And James Arnold Taylor's Obi-Wan brings forth a well set tone of authority and wisdom that fits Obi-Wan to a T. Some of the best work was for Yoda and Padme, Tome Kane and Catherine Tabor respectively. I was surprised to find it wasn't Frank Oz and Natalie Portman voicing them since they had gotten Samuel L. Jackson, Anthony Daniels and Christoipher Lee to reprise their roles.

As well as as decent voice cast, Clone Wars has some great animation, even if some of the character design is slightly lacking. The battle scenes are gorgeous, continuing what was previously showcased in Episode's II and III. The lightsaber duels were tight and beautifully choreographed except for the fight between Obi-Wan and Asajj Ventress which seemed a little jerky at times. But, ever since the original trilogy, I have always been excited to see what a Jedi in his/her prime can do and I have not been disappointed with the prequels, and Clone Wars continues to wow me with the feats of the Jedi.

All in all. Clone Wars may not be a perfect Star Wars film, but I will be watching every episode that is aired, if only to see how Ahsoka fairs by being trained by the future Darth Vader. I mean, you know it isn't going to end well right? Some have said that giving Anakin a padawan ruins established continuity, but I believe we will just have to see how everything turns out.

7/10

Keep reading,

Mitch Emerson

mitchemerson@hotmail.com

New Feature: What I Watched This Week by ME

Now I don't review everything I watch. If I did, I would never stop writing. I have, however, started a list of movies that I have watched for the entire year. I won't bore you with the entire list so far, but I will start posting each weeks additions with a thought or two on the film. And actually, this first post will cover the last two weeks as I had some minor surgery last Thurs. and wasn't up to posting.

Also, I am not including TV shows here either, that's why the list is a little lean as I have been catching up on season 1 of Burn Notice, series 2 of Spaced and seasons 2 and 3 of Weeds. Feel free to post comments or ask me to expound on any of the movies.

Mitch Emerson
127. 08/01/08 - POTC: At World's End – 8/10 - Less confusing than the first time I saw it, but the effects more than make up for minor bitches about the convoluted plot. Some of the humor takes you away from the darker tone of the third film.

128. 08/02/08 - Charlie Bartlett – 8/10 - Entertaining and fun film that lets Anton Yelchin finally lead, instead of being upstaged by Justin Timberlake. See full review

129. 08/05/08 - 28 Weeks Later - A decent sequel. Minor issues with zombie dad which were sort of explained as he holds on to some logic. See full review.

130. 08/06/08 - Batman (1966) – 3/10 - Way too campy for even a big Batman fan like myself.

131. 08/06/06 - Stand By Me – 10/10 - One of the best adaptations of a Stephen King story.

132. 08/07/08 - Jumper - 6/10 - Not as bad as most have said. Seriously missing character development as well as being badly edited. See full review

133. 08/07/08 - Bicentennial Man - 8/10 - It feels a little long, but nothing really feels extemporaneous. The love story seems a tad weird, but helps set up a wonderful ending.

134. 08/08/08 - The Bank Job – 7/10 - Rented it for Jason Statham, sadly he doesn't kick any ass. Not a bad heist film, a little convoluted for my taste.

135. 08/10/08 – 1408 – 8/10 - Decent adaptation of a Stephen King story. Dragged a little in the middle.

136. 08/14/08 – Oldboy – 9/10 – Great foreign movie about revenge. Confusing at times but a super dark ending and a great story.

DVD Review: Jumper by ME

In Jumper, David Rice (Hayden Christensen) is a guy who can teleport. Does he use this skill to help the world? No, he uses it to rob banks and get the girl (Rachel Bilson). But does this make him a bad guy? Not really, although it seems to me that he does have some moral issues which make him a questionable “hero” for the film. Anyways, enter Roland (Samuel L Jackson), leader of a group of fanatics called Paladins, who just want to kill all jumpers since they believe no one should wield such power. Jamie Bell pops in as a mentor who is also a lone wolf type.

Now it's established early on that David has had a rough childhood, which explains why he isn't a nice guy, but there could have been more. Also shown is him watching people trapped in a flood on tv and he does nothing to help. Even though Christensen's acting has improved over his stint in the Star Wars prequels, as a character, I still have more sympathy for Anakin. I mean, David is technically a criminal even though the Paladins that are after him seem to be zealots themselves.

It seems to me that Sam Jackson was just collecting a paycheck on this one if we hadn't already known about his big interest in comic books and sci-fi. I mean Unbreakable and the Star Wars prequels should be hint enough. And as much as Hayden's skills as an actor have improved and Sam Jackson is, well, Sam Jackson, the most believable is Rachel Bilson, who is confused for most of the film. But with the story as confusing as it is, she may not actually be acting. Then she decides she doesn't want any part of David's predicament, which hopefully mirrors her feelings for her involvement in the film or any sequels that may or may not happen.

I know the movie is called Jumper, but does it have to jump from scene to scene? At times, Jumper seems hastily put together and edited. And all the jumping to and from public places, not exactly a smart thing to do when the “badder” guys are after you. I say “badder” as we have already established that David isn't a saint himself, even though he is trying to save the girl. He treats her like crap, but hey, it's the thought that counts right? Some missed opportunities include the dynamic between David and his mother, which would help any sequel that gets made. Hell any kind of character development would help.

While the effects are nothing super special, their use is. The choreography of the fight scenes incorporating the jumping technique adds a little oomph to an otherwise lackluster film. After watching the special features, I learned that the effects were toned down on purpose, which makes sense. As well as the fact that it was planned from the get go that there was going to be three movies, if the first did well enough. Most interesting though is a section called Previz: Future Concepts, which were animatics that seems to be from future movies since they didn't look familiar at all. The action in those sequences is gonna be pretty interesting and should bring the action to the next level if future movies are made. Also a few trailers and commentaries, but since this was a rental I didn't get the chance to listen to.

Jumper is, at best, a way to waste some free time, if you don't have anything better to do.

5/10

Keep reading,
Mitch Emerson
mitchemerson@hotmail.com